Doggone it..

I know, cute isn't it? It's a miniature lesser-spotted Japanese Pom-Pom poodle, with detachable legs and a butterfly on its dog-lead. Honest! Just found it as I trawled through the shots of my trip to Tokyo in 2008. It dawned on me that after four years I still haven't actually put any onto Flickr yet, so I aim to put that right in the next few days.

Can't you tell I'm in a real TGI Friday mood today! Enjoy the weekend, folks. Woof!...

Spits and spots..

It's spitting, it's spitting! I've put my suntan lotion away now! It was sitting on the kitchen window ledge, handy for those quick squirts when we went out into the garden, but now it just seems like it's mocking me with its summery orange label and its fruity good-time smell. Summer! Where did you go?

Speaking of spitting, did you watch the football last night? Pathetic, wasn't it? Those guys should get equity cards. They're not sportsmen, they're cheating, devious actors, more interested in getting a cheap free-kick than actually doing anything with any innate talent they might possess!

Hey, if you ever want to check that your camera sensor is clean go and photograph a white wall! I was shooting some interiors the other day and couldn't believe the amount of dust spots I could see on the shots! It was so visible against the plain white walls I was shooting. And that despite having 'Sensor clean vibration' switched on! I ask you! I was spitting...

PS: My shot today is Lady Di, as if you didn't know, shot during a visit to Manchester. It was raining!

Perspective..

This is one of my favourite shots from the book 'Don't Miss This', and it kinda puts the whole world of art and self-promotion into persepective. It's getting harder and harder to get one's photographs seen, overwhelmed as they are by the kertrillions of images that get shoved up online every single day (Guilty, m'lud!) So, with that in mind, it was fantastic last week to be 'discovered' by a chap from 'darn sarf' who had been told about my Joy Division photographs and is now planning to design and market a whole range of T-shirts based on the shots. "How come they've not been seen by a wider audience?" he asked, amazed. Well, it's not for want of trying, I can tell you!

As you can tell by the extreme heat and drought, high summer is upon us, which means my Flickr 'Glove' project has more or less juddered to a halt. However (to my sad delight!) I came across one on Sunday, which I thought I'd treat you to today.

Oh, Gawd! That's a kertrillion and one photographs uploaded today! Anyway, I went into the chemist yesterday to get some cough medicine. My man-flu is persisting, probably getting worse, definitely not getting better! The lady in front of me put five prescriptions on the counter and I thought 'Cripes, I'm going to be here for ages!' "So, Mrs ___.." said the pharmacist "How're you feeling after the chemo?" Now that, my friends, is perspective!..

It's all passing me by..

How weird last night to have no football to watch although, to be honest, I'm kinda glad I've no longer got an interest in Euro 2012. Apart from anything, it was costing me a fortune. It's those bloody ads on ITV, isn't it? I just can't help myself! I've already put down-payments on an Audi, a Qashquai and two Citroens, lost four thousand quid on online betting and picked me out two of those tasty little brown Macdonalds player escort kids to adopt over the coming winter! I just wish, wish, wish I could get excited about the Olympiczzz now or hey, even the tennis, but I can't and I feel such a failure! I mean, think of all the people that are turning out just to watch the Olypiczzz torch. They can even get excited about a lit stick being jogged past 'em? It's beyond me!

I've had an offer from a magazine to review my book 'Don't Miss This' .. a copy's going off in the post to them today so stay tooned! Today's photograph is another one of my Olympus XA shots. Remembrance Day parade, circa 1985.

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Oh, poo...

Well, come on, we knew it really didn't we? Playing like that meant we were never going to get our hands on the trophy, so it's back to normal and the count-down begins for the World Cup in 2014. Still, look on the bright side .. Rooney's hair'll be a good two inches long by then! My shot's from 'Don't Miss That' .. check it out!

I had a good laugh at one of my recent Shoot 'n Tutor sessions, and I'm sure the chap involved won't mind me repeating this. He asked me what I did with my camera when it rained. "Well.." I said, "there are a few things you can do. You can drop the shutter speed a little, or open the aperture, or..."
"No.." he interrupted "Do you put it in a plastic bag?!"

My Joy Division shots are on the move again! A company has asked if they can start using some of the shots on a new range of T-Shirts. We're mashing out the contract today so I'll let you know when they're available to buy ..  'cos I know you'd love to have one, wouldn't you?

Another of my journo pals has lost his job! Cut-backs on his newspaper have meant he's being hoiked after many years at the 'paper, and now he's on the look-out for work like .. well, the rest of us! Should be the flippin' England team that are on the dole, if you ask me!

Bums on seats...

I'll be glad of a sit-down when I finally get to take a break this afternoon. What a week! I've shot motorcycle training, crisis management workshops, the interior of a building for a brochure and a family portrait with 21 people on it! Just a Shoot'nTutor to run this morning, and a bride and groom to meet to discuss their Wedding album, and then I can grab that beer and watch the footy with a satisfied smile on my face. Love this 'aerial' shot of the terraces at Coventry City's ground, which I shot during a coffee break at the Crisis Management job...

Snap decision..

I stopped to take a picture of this faded shop sign whilst I was in Greece last month. It was a bit of a Kodak moment, really...

A gun to our heads..

Being thoroughly inspired, creative and cutting-edge, I was going to blog about the weather today (Zzzzz...) but then a message came through on Facebook and my rainy p*ss poor June stories went out the window! The note was from one of my snapper pals who has a long-standing connection with Manc funster band The Stone Roses. Seems they've reformed and have a gig coming up in the city soon (Bothered??) Thing is, they're issuing a two-page contract to any photographers covering the gig that gives the band the rights to their images "in perpetuity throughout the world so as to enable us to exploit the photographs as we deem fit without further reference or payment to you" Well, up yours, Stone Roses! Go take a flying leap, you jumped-up, arrogant grabbing farts! I hope no-one takes a single shot at your money-based seedy reunion and you go unnoticed throughout the world and have to disband and go on the dole and get scabies. I know, I know, it won't happen! Hard times mean that of course they'll get their shots, 'cos there are enough skint snappers out there that'll do it for the one-off dosh they'll get for covering the gig, but how sad is that? The band is holding a gun to the heads of any young - 'cos they're bound to be young - photogs who want to get their foot in the door of music photography, and it's yet another nail in the coffin of photographers' respectability. Sigh!

Oh, and it's still raining..

Midday sun?...

Mad dogs and Englishmen will be fine today, as there's absolutely no danger of being boiled in the heat of the midsummer sun! Ha ha, as if! As the announcer on Classic FM said this morning "Welcome to June the 21st, the wettest day of the year. Sorry, the longest!..."

My plan today was to work my way through another Wedding selection of 100 photographs, then relax in the sunshine with a Pimms as I prepare to watch the first quarter-final of Euro 2012 - it's a hard life, this freelancing, you know! Actually, digressing, I heard it was Prince Will's 30th birthday today and it dawned on me that it was May/June of 1982 that I got laid off from the newspaper I was working on, meaning I have actually now been self-employed for thirty years! Bloody hell, I must be doing something right! Anyway, back to the non-event of the solstice, I was thinking about the time I got up at 4am to climb a volcano in Indonesia just to watch the sunrise over the lip of the mountain, and when I got to the top it was cloudy! And that reminded me of the time I went up Sugar Loaf mountain in fog so bad you couldn't see the summit. At the top the statue of Christ the Redeemer was covered in scaffolding! And one time a pal and I flew to the US to watch a shuttle launch, and it got cancelled before we landed in Florida!
Mad? You're telling me!...

Plane simple..

I've had a brilliant idea! This'll solve the housing shortage problem in one fell swoop. See that nearside lane on the motorways? Why don't we build on it? Get a long line of apartments put up along the whole length of the entire UK motorway system, and get those homeless people in 'em, pronto! Well, I mean, it's not as if the lane's used by motorists, is it? Not these days. No-one wants to be seen dead in the inside lane these days - no pun intended in view of my photograph today, which I'll get onto in a minute! Come to think of it, nobody even wants to be seen dead in the middle lane anymore. That's just used by moronic lorry drivers who've managed to get their wagons moving ONE mile an hour faster than the truck in front, so feel they can pull out and slow the traffic down for bleedin' miles! Has anyone else noticed this seemingly new trend of hogging the outside lane on the motorway? I drove to a PR shoot in Coventry yesterday and must have undertaken hundreds of cars, all stuck behind each other doing 65 mph in the outside lane whilst I whizzed past at 70 - on the dot! - in the nearside lane. Is it something to do with a vast influx of continental drivers or something, thinking they're all on the inside lane but forgetting which country they're in? Or is it that same old macho bullsh*t that kicks in when people get into their lovely, lovely cars? Look at me, look at my shiny brum-brum. Aren't I great! The lovely shiny white Audi brum-brum that was ahead of me yesterday was great. Was! 'Til it went straight into the VW in front and became a teeny weeny squished Audi, and made us all very annoyed as we queued up behind it! Yes folks, driving winds me up. Actually, no, it doesn't. The improper, selfish use of motorways winds me up! Now, crashing an old plane onto the cars on the M62 might be a bit drastic, but I really feel something needs to be done to educate a lot of the drivers in the UK!

PS: This plane crashed in '88, straight onto a 2CV. Oops! I got this shot used in the MEN after simply walking onto the hard-shoulder and taking my pix! Betcha can't do that these days!

That's lucky!..

Funny how things work out! This weekend was the first in ages when I didn't have any work on, so what happened? I got a stinking cold, that's what! Cough, cough, sneeze, wheeze, gasp! Honestly, I don't even know how I found the energy to watch the football!! But, what great timing! Getting 'Man Flu' this weekend meant I was free to drink hot-toddies and build a hill of used tissues without having to sneeze all over a bride, cough over a Shoot 'n Tutor pupil or blow my nose mid family pose! I start the week well on the mend, and ready to tackle today's PR job, tomorrow's full-day coverage of an annual conference in Coventry, Saturday's family portrait and Sunday's Shoot 'n Tutor. I mean, how lucky am I?

PS: No, that's not me in the picture. It's me old mucker Stenning, snapped snoozing when we took a road-trip to Florida in the 80s! Right before I dropped a cockroach into his sheets! And I didn't even get thumped! Now, that's lucky..

Best Dad in the world...

No blog today as I'm full of Man-Flu - ie: a slight cold - and I'm feeling yuck! That said, I didn't want to let Father's Day go by without a nod to me old Pop, who's been dead three years now and I miss him like hell! Happy Father's Day, Joe O'Neill !!

I'm lovin' it..

3-2 against Sweden! I'm lovin' it!..
Two more enquiries for Weddings next year! I'm lovin' it!..
It stopped raining for almost half an hour this morning! I'm lovin' it!..
Photographer loses memory card with all of a couple's Wedding photographs on it after boozy night out! Oh, dear!..

Hang on a minute..

Ah, that explains a lot. "Budding" photographer loses memory card, etc., etc., etc... Oh, dear! The story reads .. "(The couple) agreed to let their friend B.. F.. - a budding professional photographer - take the pictures to help boost his portfolio." Oh dear, oh dear! Time for my mantra, folks! Owning a good camera does not make you a photographer! Say it out loud! Say it out loud and learn from it, dear Wedding couples, then you too can be like all my brides and grooms. They book me, have a fantastic, worry free day with a brilliant, experienced professional photographer then get their CD or album and say .."I'm lovin' it.."

It's started to rain again! Brilliant! It's good for the flowers in the garden. My Florescence flowers are lovin' it!..

Serious football blog...

Tonight, just like the England team, I'm going to be surrounded by Swedes. No, I've not been picked as full-back for England, but I'll be bouncing up and down on my Ikea Splamsplom sofa, spilling my beer over the Yecksdroogvoll coffee table and eating sandwiches off a plate from my lovely Jahlsbergsonsonson range of designer crockery. Do you think they're trying to send me subliminal messages?

Had a great meeting with another lovely couple last night - Hey, I even sacrificed the first half of the Ireland game to see 'em - and now I can't wait to shoot their Wedding next year with, wait for it, three hundred guests!! I don't even know 300 people, but thank God for wide-angles and bring on the challenge, that's what I say!

Quiet weekend on the cards for me! No Wedding, no Shoot'nTutor! Truth is, we were supposed to be going to Oxfordshire, where we were to have a stall selling my Florescence products at a friend's Village Fete, but the pesky rotten weather's put paid to that event, so we're staying home and eating meatballs instead. Meatballs? Where did that Ikea come from? Idea! I meant idea!!...

I'm blushing...

"Mega thanks for your fabulous work" ...

I'm blushing! I am! I've gone all shy and modest and bashful! Naaah, have I heck! I love it! I'm an artist, darling, with an ego, after all, so bring it on! I've had another 'unsolicited testimonial', as they say, from Catherine, one of 'my' brides, who got married at The Belle Epoque and thought her photographs were "fantastic". Naturally, I concur, but then I would, wouldn't I? I shot 'em!...

Being booked by Catherine, though, did remind me of a story. I was once photographing the Wedding of another young lady called Catherine, and because she lived abroad it happened to be one of those rare times when it wasn't possible to meet her before her Big Day. So, I arrived at her house to photograph the bridal preparations and the door was opened by a cheery, smiling young lady who waved and said "Hi, I'm Catherine". I dutifully followed Catherine around the house, photographing her having her hair done, shooting as she had her make-up applied, and moving in for close-ups as she opened a bottle of champagne. Eventually, just as she was about to go upstairs to get her dress on, she stopped and turned to me with a puzzled look on her face and said "Aren't you going to take any photos of the bride?" Aaaagh! The chief bridesmaid had the same name as the bride!
Now I'm blushing!...

By the left...

Shocking to hear of the redundancies being made by the Army, as they try to reduce capacity to just 82,000 soldiers, and it does make you wonder just what is a safe occupation to get into these days.
(Ok, the words soldier and safe don't belong in the same sentence, but you know what I mean. Long-term security. Job for life. Nice early retirement, cushy pension etc., etc., etc...) Well, undertakers are sorted, that's for sure - we're always going to need them (Sadly, we'll certainly need 'em as long as we've got soldiers!) - and so is Being Queen - she's in a job forever and ever. But what else? Oh, Scottish voice-over artists! They're safe, too! It feels like they're going to be in work for a long time yet. (The Co-operative, Gid with Fid anyone?) But that's about it, isn't it? I mean, we all know there's no future in a job on newspapers. I spent half the Jubilee weekend consoling a journalist pal who'd just had redundancy dropped on him from a great height, and as I said the other day, we now live in a world where daily evening newspapers are happy to take free pictures from Twitter rather than employ a photographer. Last weekend I enjoyed a great Shoot'nTutor session with a young girl who's going to take Photography at A Level next term, and I advised her not to consider photography as a full-time career! How bad is that? Reminds me of when I was a nipper rushing home from a careers lesson at school. "What did you say you wanted to do?" asked my Mum, as she peeled ten tons of spuds. "I said I wanted to be a photographer.." I gasped, excitedly. Mum put down the peeler, wiped her hands on her apron and said "There's no money in that! Go and join the Army!"

Today's shot is from my 'Don't Miss That' series, shot in Eccles in the mid '70s. Eccles Army Cadet Unit, marching up the street outside their HQ! By the left...

Blue Moon..

I love the fact that Nasri scored against his Man City team-mate Joe Hart last night, despite the fact it meant England only got a draw against France in the Euros. It must be really weird to be so reliant on another player, and then turn into his deadly rival for those 90 minutes on the pitch! Makes me think of us photographers .. all pally and bezzy mates at the bar, yet as competitive as hell when you put a Nikon in our hands. (Or a Canon, but hey ;-) that's no competition!) Even as recently as yesterday I was chatting with a Wedding photographer friend of mine, and we were discussing off-camera lighting. Whilst we both agreed that we used it, we only hinted to each other how we actually set our gear to do it, neither of us quite going as far as telling the other exactly how each of us shot. Yet, she's one of the first people I'd recommend if I was already booked for somebody's Wedding date, and would call on her in a heart-beat if I was ever unable to attend a Wedding. Mind you, that's a once-in-a-blue-moon event and, in all my 34 years as a photographer, I've never missed a Wedding yet!

Moon? Someone mention the moon? I was out-and-about at half-six this morning, enjoying the glorious summer's morning, when I looked up and shot this as an aircraft's con-trail drifted in front of the waning moon. Well, don't you walk around your garden with a 500mm mirror lens on your camera?

Glorious morning? Someone mention a glorious morning? Well, you wouldn't know it if you were listening to Chris Evans on Radio 2 this morning! You see, folks, it's raining in London today, so as far as the BBC is concerned the whole country is having a pissy, wet day! The day 'Auntie' remembers there are a lot more of us outside London than in it? Now that would be a once-in-a-blue moon event!

Just not cricket..

I'd like to thank over 100 people who gathered in Salford on Saturday night to watch a video slide-show of some of my Wedding Photography. Nah! They didn't really! Over 100 people actually gathered in Salford to celebrate the Wedding of Nadine and Paul, who married in Portmeirion at the beginning of May and held a party - replete with a slide show of my photographs - to show all the family and friends that couldn't make it to Wales. Still, it gave me a buzz and the images looked great, beaming out with a backdrop of the new Salford Reds Rugby League ground.

Actually, speaking of rugby, I'm thinking of starting to follow the game! Three days into the football of Euro 2012 and I'm already sick of the way the pansy, wimpy footballers keep falling over, rolling in 'agony' and deliberately trying to get their opponents booked. Grow up, lads! It's just not cricket!

Shoot'nTutor was great on Saturday, and I had a really eager pupil who arrived with a whole list of questions for me to answer. We worked through his queries about white balance, exposure lock and ISO, but I had to smile when he next asked .. "Is there any money in Press Photography?" "No, David.." I replied "There isn't any money in Press Photography these days, not when even the once-great Manchester Evening News refuses to pay for submitted images, and merrily cherry-picks 'news' shots from Twitter instead of sending a photographer!"

Now that, my friends, is just not cricket!

Friggin' in the rigging!..

It was a dark and stormy night and..

Actually, it was a dark and stormy night last night and I had real trouble sleeping, woken in the early hours by the distant, niggly noise of someone busy with hammer, saw and power drill. Then, Noah's Ark swept past the house, closely followed by my car, our dogs and every flower pot in my garden! Man, I think it's rained for a solid week now and I'm getting thoroughly cheesed off with it all. At least I now have the football to cheer me up, and I can hunker down and watch Euro 2012 free from any feelings of guilt about not being outside in the glorious sunshine! Heaven help the brides getting married this weekend, though. As luck would have it I'm running a Shoot'nTutor workshop today, so I'm free from the 'stress' of shooting a wet Wedding. Rather, I can use the low light levels to my advantage, and I can run through the use of wide apertures and faster shutter speeds with my 'pupil'...

I had a blast of a childrens' portrait session yesterday morning, though I'm amazed I've still got any hair left on my head. The youngest of my five subjects just would not join her siblings to be photographed! Two? She acted like she was twenty-two, deliberately turning her head away from the camera and running away as soon as Mum let go of her arm! I'm off to edit the work this morning and, fingers crossed, I think there'll be just enough choice to keep her parents happy. Still, a flood of enquiries and two new bookings for Weddings in 2013 went a long way to ending the day on a high, so you could say that was two by two and it all ended swimmingly...

Well, you could...

PS: My shot of the Arab dhows is from a trip I took to Kenya about 20 years ago. Kodachrome 64 if you're interested. Still Kodachrome 64 if you're not! Enjoy the weekend! Stay dry!

The London Olympiczzz.....

Alright everybody, that's the Jubilee done and dusted, so let's hear it for the London Olympiczzz - the games by the people for the people .. as long as you're wadded and completely stupid!! Check out these event posters in my local travel agents. Just look at the prices! £299! £449!! .. £849!!! That's how much it's going to cost for ONE person to get ONE ticket for ONE event with ONE night's B+B in a hotel in London! Holy swear words!! Are they having a laugh? Who the hell is going to pay those kinds of prices? (And if it's you .. keep quiet!) All those rings in the Olympic symbol? They're the noughts after the prices now that everyone's a finalist in the 100 metres rip-offs. And the torch? We might as well let Coca-Cola staff and blokes with silly names like Will.I.Am carry it, taking the place of hard-working, deserving British people. Oh, they've already done that! Bloody hell, it's no wonder we 'Up North' feel so disconnected from the games. Even the name is enough to p*ss you off - The London Olympiczzz! Well, quite frankly, you can have 'em, London! I've never felt so disinterested in a sporting event in my life - well, apart from every cricket match ever! Oh, one more thing... those event prices don't include travel!

No, thank YOU!..

Ok, that's enough Queeny stuff now, thank you very much. I think we can safely say the Diamond Jubilee has been well and truly marked, and now we can get back to normality.. well, Euro 2012, anyway! Just love this shot of my sister, taken in '77 as she sat at her suitably celebratory dressing-table but, like she was, I'm all Queened-out now and chomping at the bit to move on.

One of 'my' couples came round to collect some parents' albums yesterday and gave me a lovely big vine as a thank you present. If this photography mullarkey ever starts to look grim I'm going to set up my own vineyard and start producing a cheeky little Chateauneill for you all. Their gift gave me cause to raise a glass though, as the simple act of saying 'Thank You' seems to have gone out of the window these days. The photographer has become 'just another supplier' at a Wedding - take your money, do your job. The thank-you letters, the happy little emails, they seem to have disappeared, and whilst that's fair enough I just feel the photographer is a much bigger player in a couple's Wedding, sharing everything from the tension and excitement of the bridal preparation to the love and intimacy of the first dance - behave! - and deserves a little more appreciation. When a couple are unsure about the 'next move' on their Wedding Day it's the photographer they turn to, it's the photographer who guides the day and makes it run smoothly. It might be that not saying thank-you is a generational thing, as the general level of politeness in society slides ever downwards. People just expect you to do your job and might not even realise that a little word of thanks might do a world of good. As a freelance, working alone, that little bit of positive feed-back makes all the difference. So I believe we've got to fight to maintain standards. Maybe not as hysterically as that rosy flag-waving, cap-tilting British world that's just been projected across the globe but hey, even Her Majesty said thank you!

Party like it's 1977..

Come on folks, no slowing down now! One more day to go and then real life can resume again! I thought I'd throw in a couple of shots today from the 1977 Silver Jubilee, which we celebrated not as a street-party but as a full-blown 'do' in the nearby school hall. Being just about 17, I took it upon myself to be the official photographer for the event, which meant I got to swank around looking important and, more to the point, got me in the good books of these guys, whose usual interest in me stretched only as far as threatening to beat me up! This weekend's celebrations have certainly put Britain in the spotlight though and, apart from 'Phil the Greek's' bladder problems, I'm really pleased it's all gone to plan. Just the Olympiczzzzz to go now...

Oh, the shots are part of my book 'Don't Miss That', more of which you can see by clicking the link here...

Long to rain over us..

A quick break in the partying to check you're all having fun over this Jubilee Weekend..

I shot a great (wet) Wedding at Walton Hall on Saturday and a fab (wet) 80th Birthday party at Willington Hall on Sunday then enjoyed a brilliant (wet) Garden Party at no hall at all last night!

I think this picture from Willington sums it all up 'cos, despite the Queen's best efforts, it is still, after all, a British Bank Holiday Weekend!!

Party!...

Whistle while you work..

Well, it's nearly time to toot yer flute for Liz, and this weekend I imagine press photographers all over the UK are gearing up to cover street parties, fetes, fairs, garden parties, parades, processions and barbies. Me? I'm shooting a Wedding and a family portrait! No complaints there, of course, and ironically the portrait session is back at Willington Hall, scene of last week's hot, sunny Wedding. Can't wait to get to Saturday's reception though as, by all accounts, it's going to include an entire brass band playing for the bride and groom! I hope they play one I know. I do like to whistle while I work...