Balls ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today's blog isn't a blog, because I was going to blog about all the pretensions that surround a lot of photography but, having just watched the 'I am Martin Parr' documentary, I can leave it to Grayson Perry, who sums it all up nicely, thank you very much. In the film he talks about the 'wafts of philosophical waffle' that often pervade the art of photography. It's a load of balls, in other words! Ooh look, a picture with a ball in it .. deep! (I can't explain why I like this photo so much. As a kid, 'training' myself to be a press photographer in the 1970s, I used to photograph the Sunday League footballers who played on the field behind our house. It used to amuse me that, just like us, these 'grown-ups' would often lose their ball too, and have to send someone off into the undergrowth to retrieve it!)
 

End of non-blog!

    

It was on this day ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've never been good at football photography, so it's no surprise that I only have one stand-out memory of ever covering the 'beautiful game'. When I was eighteen years old, just three months into my first ever job as a press photographer, I was sent down to London's White Hart Lane to photograph Altrincham v Spurs in the third round of the FA Cup. The date was January 10th, 1979. Forty-five years ago today. It was cold and my camera gear was basic, but I managed to (very nearly) catch the goal that earnt Altrincham a one-all draw and a lucrative replay at their Moss Lane ground. After the match, I headed for the changing rooms and took this lovely shot of goal-scorer Jeff Johnson enjoying his 15 minutes of fame. I achieved a little fame myself when my photographs appeared in the Manchester Evening News the following day. My boss had 'borrowed' my photographs and sold them to our rival. I think he gave me twenty-five quid for my efforts ..  

Fireside football ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful and, do you know what, I'm really getting into the fact that this year's world cup is in the 'winter'. Gone is the guilt of a July tournament, sitting in front of the telly on a glorious summer's day, missing out on a tan, worrying about how much gardening needs to be done. Oh yes, this way it's so much better. The weather outside is frightful - far too horrible to be out there gardening - and you can't beat stacking up the wood-burner ready for the first afternoon kick-off of the day, so yeah, bring it on. Even my teams have joined in with the feel-good stuff, with 6-2 and 4-1 wins in their first matches ..

England, England, allez les bleues ... 

(Today's shot? One of my earliest ever colour slide photographs, taken circa 1977 outside an electrical store in Eccles.)

Footie ..

One of the 'perks' of self-employment is that your boss always lets you have time off when there's footie on telly. Yesterday I put in a request for a half-day and I very kindly agreed to let me have it, and so it is that this afternoon will see me glued to the box for the England and Northern Ireland games. Handy that, isn't it?..

Ps: As you can see from this shot from archive, actually photographing the game was never one of my strong points..

Makes me spit ..

I've just realised it's the start of the football season today; nine months now of pansy-fannying around by over-paid grunts all competing for best actor awards in the 'Falling over in intense agony' category of next year's Oscars. But the thing is, what's with all the spitting? Why do footballers feel the need to spit all the time? Cricketers don't spit, rugby players don't spit and I can play two solid hours of badminton without feeling the need to spit once. Not once!..

It's common again these days to see young men - and the odd woman - feel it's ok to spit as they walk along a public footpath. Yeah, I'll just gozz right there, right where you're going to walk! By the way, did anyone else grow up calling it 'gozz' or was that just us oiks in Eccles?..

If footballers are role models then I think they need to stop and have a good look at themselves. I think their arrogance and smugness is what's carried across to a lot of young kids these days, and the idea of mutual respect and good manners is going down the drain. Exactly where they should spit, come to think of it ..  

Sick as a dog ..

Poor old Lesley was sick as a dog last night! Nothing to do with the football - she really was ill .. all night - and is now lying in bed with a cold cloth on her head and a bucket .. well, you get the picture! We think it was something she ate yesterday lunchtime. Anyway, the lads couldn't come up with the goods again last night, could they, losing 2-1 to Uruguay and the team all but sure to go out of the World Cup. A pal of mine is out there covering the tournament for the Daily Mirror and, when he left, I joked with him that I looked forward to seeing him again .. next week! Reminds me of my favourite joke from Facebook. A shot of the team getting off the plane at Rio has Gerrard turning back to the captain and shouting "Leave it running, mate. We won't be long!"..

Off into Manchester later for my 'guest appearance' on the Middles Radio Show, and frantically trying to think of what the hell to talk about! D'ya think music and photography will cover it? I'm certainly not talking about football! In fact, I'm going back to having no interest in football again! Er, after Tuesday!..

Back o' the net ..

Dammit! I fell off the wagon! I've started to watch football again! (I refer you to Friday's blog!) But, hang on, did I say watch it? God, I've written all the kick-off times in my diary! Daren't miss it! Oh, bugger, and I was doing so well. I blame Holland v Spain. What a game! And then, of course, there was our own valiant effort against the Italians, for which I managed to stay awake on Saturday night, and now I aim to get everything done today in time to watch the Germany v Portugal game at 4 o'clock this afternoon!

My name is Martin O'Neill. I'm a World Cup addict ...

Having said that, there's a world of difference between watching football and photographing football! I'll hold my hands up .. that's something I just cannot do. I think this image from my archive was the last time I had a go at it! I mention this because I had to try to photograph footy again when I shot the pictures for a school prospectus last month. Managed to get the ball on at least three of the pictures! Brilliant! The other shots, though? They're great! I added 'em to my PR page his morning. Back o' the net!..

Foopball ..

So, off I go to the Republic of Ireland! With Roy Keane! Ok, not the me Martin O'Neill, the football manager Martin O'Neill and it's ironic I'll .. I mean he'll .. be working with Roy Keane, as I go back long enough to have actually photographed Keane's signing for Man U when I was a press photographer! The MEN got an exclusive, so it was just me and him at, I think, The Cliff, in Salford. Cripes, that was 20 years ago! I remember shaking his hand and wishing him good luck! I think it worked for him .. ho ho!

Anyway, I can't show you that photograph, as it went the way of all negatives at the Manchester Evening News, and will never be seen again! And, seeing as I'm not the mostly footbally photographer in the world, I have very little to offer in the way of other footy photos, so you'll have to make do with this picture of Alex Stepney, shot when he signed for .. Altrincham! .. towards the end of his career. I just missed him giving me the 'V's as I'd just shouted at him during the game! Sorry, Alex!..

Oh, Foopball? If you've ever read Molesworth then any fule kno that's how he phonetically spells the word. Try it! It works ..

Ha! Stop Press: http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/2000-ebay-bidding-starts-roy-6281073

#pressphotography, #prphotography, #ManchesterUnited  

Kick - off ..

It's the first day of the football season and, for the second year in a row, I have made a concious decision not to follow the beautiful game. I'm sick of the pansying, overpaid, whining little brats and their pathetic fake-foul roly-polying! So, no footy for me! So there!..

One thing that did kick off last night was my Joy Division/Eccles exhibition at the Deli-Lama cafe in Salford. Many thanks to everyone who came, and to Linda and Lincoln for getting the show off to a great start (So great that I missed my train!)

My picture today's from my Twelve for '13 project - shot in about 1975 on the fields at the back of our 'ouse! I remember there was an electricity pylon in the middle of the running track, and the grass always grew high there because the mowers couldn't get in between the stanchions. As kids we'd see this grass rustling and swaying, and we'd sneak up on a guy from down our street who used to take his latest fling there for a bit of .. well, back o' the net!    


#culchethstudio
www.studiofivefour.com

Back of the net...

Well, I've done it! It's behind me! I've weaned myself off football! It wasn't until I got an email from a pal at the weekend that I even knew there was a match twixt Man U and Liverpool yesterday. As I write this I don't even know who won! It means nothing to me anymore, and it feels great! I decided, at the beginning of the season, that I wouldn't follow the 'beautiful game' anymore, because it isn't! It isn't beautiful! Where's the beauty in pretending to be elbowed in the face just to get a free-kick? That's just cheating! Where's the beauty in a goal being disallowed just because one man with a whistle didn't see a ball crossing a line? That's just stupid! Where's the beauty in dolts with sticky-out ears being paid kerzillions when all the rest of us are really struggling? (Ok, that one's just envy!) Whatever! It doesn't matter anymore. I am cured! I am free! Back of the net! Result!.. Oh, heck!

Can I borrow your van, Percy ? ..

Hello, my name is Martin O'Neill and I live in a world of a fair day's pay for a fair day's work. Or .. I used to! Now I live in a world where one man .. ONE man .. is worth paying TWENTY FOUR MILLION POUNDS for !!! Oh, my flippin' God! I'm talking, of course, about Van Persie and his sale to Manchester United! Well folks, that's it for me! I've had enough! I hearby announce my complete disgust in the world of professional football, and therefore proclaim that I will have no interest in the forthcoming season and will never again spend Sunday afternoons in my local, drinking outrageously priced Guinness and screaming at overpaid, lug-eared wazzocks when they fail to kick a tiny bag of wind into a massive big white net. I'll do useful stuff instead, like taking Lesley and my camera out on long, lazy drives through our lovely countryside. Can I borrow your van, Percy? ...

Oh, the shot's one of the many I'm scanning in from that box of magical old negatives. Check out some more shots here...

Spits and spots..

It's spitting, it's spitting! I've put my suntan lotion away now! It was sitting on the kitchen window ledge, handy for those quick squirts when we went out into the garden, but now it just seems like it's mocking me with its summery orange label and its fruity good-time smell. Summer! Where did you go?

Speaking of spitting, did you watch the football last night? Pathetic, wasn't it? Those guys should get equity cards. They're not sportsmen, they're cheating, devious actors, more interested in getting a cheap free-kick than actually doing anything with any innate talent they might possess!

Hey, if you ever want to check that your camera sensor is clean go and photograph a white wall! I was shooting some interiors the other day and couldn't believe the amount of dust spots I could see on the shots! It was so visible against the plain white walls I was shooting. And that despite having 'Sensor clean vibration' switched on! I ask you! I was spitting...

PS: My shot today is Lady Di, as if you didn't know, shot during a visit to Manchester. It was raining!

Just not cricket..

I'd like to thank over 100 people who gathered in Salford on Saturday night to watch a video slide-show of some of my Wedding Photography. Nah! They didn't really! Over 100 people actually gathered in Salford to celebrate the Wedding of Nadine and Paul, who married in Portmeirion at the beginning of May and held a party - replete with a slide show of my photographs - to show all the family and friends that couldn't make it to Wales. Still, it gave me a buzz and the images looked great, beaming out with a backdrop of the new Salford Reds Rugby League ground.

Actually, speaking of rugby, I'm thinking of starting to follow the game! Three days into the football of Euro 2012 and I'm already sick of the way the pansy, wimpy footballers keep falling over, rolling in 'agony' and deliberately trying to get their opponents booked. Grow up, lads! It's just not cricket!

Shoot'nTutor was great on Saturday, and I had a really eager pupil who arrived with a whole list of questions for me to answer. We worked through his queries about white balance, exposure lock and ISO, but I had to smile when he next asked .. "Is there any money in Press Photography?" "No, David.." I replied "There isn't any money in Press Photography these days, not when even the once-great Manchester Evening News refuses to pay for submitted images, and merrily cherry-picks 'news' shots from Twitter instead of sending a photographer!"

Now that, my friends, is just not cricket!