Makes me spit ..

There's a chance you played that 'drinking game' the last time you watched a film. You know the one? You take a drink every time someone on the screen has one. Depending on the movie, there's a good chance you could end up being completely sloshed. Well yesterday I played the 'spitting game'. I watched two football matches back to back and decided I'd spit every time I saw a footballer spit. Every goddam time there was a close-up of a player - or Pep Guardiloa, come to that - they coughed up a lovely big ball of snot. And full marks to subs Fabregas and Gabriel Jesus, both filmed spitting before they even got on the bleedin' pitch. Put me right off my family bag of Maltesers, it did. And what am I supposed to do with two and a half gallons of saliva?..