Tats ..

Holy sh*t! I've only like, finally gone and done it, haven't I? ..

I've always wanted to stand out from the crowd, you see. To be different, to have that certain 'edge', to be the lone wolf .. and now I am! And why? 'Cos I've only gone and had NO TATTOOS done, innit! Like, I so look like no-one else in the UK! I'm unique! I'm one of a kind! I'm like, so expressing my inner individuality, man! I've got no kids' names scrawled up my forearms, no tribal markings around my manly biceps, no butterflies on my ankles, no dragons on my back, no illegible chinese symbols behind my lug 'oles .. how effin' different am I? I rock! ..
Oh, and I haven't got a beard, either...

(Although I have got a brother-in-law with a tattoo parlour. He'll bleedin' kill me if he reads this!..  )